An absolute rollercoaster

Hello,

As the title states, today has been an absolute EMOTIONAL rollercoaster. Today was my first day off in a while and my Reddit weigh in. This entire week I have been ON TOP OF IT, I ate under my calorie goal went to the gym 3 times and was ready to see some goddamn RESULTS! I woke up cautiously excited, I took off my clothes, stepped on the scale, looked down and 207 even. “What the fuck is this bullshit?!” ran through my mind along with a whole slew of other profanities. “I WORKED MY ASS OFF AND MY ASS SHOULD BE OFF!” Okay, drama queen, calm the fuck down, I assured myself and while I was bummed, what can you do about it? I made my cereal, sat down to catch up on some of my recordings and scroll through the news. Jesus fuck, the news put me in a worse mood. At this point, I decided I was going to redeem my weekly Starbucks.

I hopped in my car, retrieved my passion fruit lemonade and went to my thinking spot. My inner monologue went a bit like- “It’s fine! It’s fine! You know what, your weight doesn’t determine what kind of person you are, you are a fucking boss and being a bit rounder doesn’t change that! Even if it takes the rest of your life to get to 140, at least you are trying which is better than where you were 3 weeks ago! Just keep living and loving.” 

You’d think I had it figured out and well, you’d be wrong! I texted my mom about my dilemma and she replied: “Just weigh yourself after the gym, after you’d sweated everything off, weight fluctuates!” Then my inner monolog went a bit like “Stupid, idiot mom doesn’t know anything I already ate and drank a venti which just means I’ll weigh more!” I then talked myself into a tizzy and decided to go to the store because “THE WORLD IS SHIT, THIS WEIGHT LOSS IS THING IS BULL SHIT, SO I AM GOING TO MAKE SOME MOTHERFUCKING RED VELVET CUPCAKES WITH CREAM CHEESE!”

I got the needed materials, went home and angrily made some cupcakes. I decided half way through that I was not going to go to the gym today, I was just going to binge on some cream cheese goodness. Well, that wasn’t an option to my mom, she made me go to the gym and I am quite thankful I did because I got out a lot of my angst. On the way home, we had a very emotional talk about body image and to no one’s surprise I bawled my eyes out. When I got home, I decided that I should weigh myself again. I very hesitantly pulled down the scale, stepped on and “202.8”! My mom was RIGHT! (Which, wasn’t that big of a shocker…) Jesus! 202.8 means I am no longer obese, I am just overweight, which is SUPER FUCKING EXCITING for not only that reason but, for almost the entirety of my Sophomore year of High School I was 202, and I am only 2.8 pounds away from onederland. I took a shower, sheepishly apologized to my mom (which she responded with some amazing Mom wisdom), ate dinner with my family and did not binge on cupcakes.

THINGS I LEARNED FROM TODAY:

  • CALM THE FUCK DOWN! Not everything is the end of the world, you will not make it very far if you have a minor set back and your first response is to completely overreact. Take a deep breath, use some logic to sort out your ball of emotions and get outside opinions.
  • Your Mom is right, she knows a whole lot more than you do as she has a lot more life experience and is probably the wisest person you know. LISTEN TO HER, she wants to see you succeed and not self-destruct.
  • Your weight doesn’t define your character. (I’m still working on learning AND accepting this one… I have quite a bit of weight-related issues to work out mentally…)
  • You probably shouldn’t blog after having an emotional day, you just end up over cursing and purely having a stream of consciousness post.

 

Stay happy and healthy,

Your Friendly Neighboorhood Fat Chick

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Proud?

Hello,

So, I stepped on the scale this morning and I was 205.6 pounds and felt proud?

Sure, any weight loss feat is amazing, one pound or a hundred but, 205.6 is especially exciting because 206 was the last number I saw on the scale before I fell off the wagon. Over the course of one disciplined week of doing cardio 4 times and eating around 1,500 calories every day, I dropped 7.4 pounds and managed to get lower than ever? I don’t know, it’s motivating, but, like I said I have never been less motivated yet, I am still accomplishing good things. I know I am not going to lose 7.4 pounds every week, it’s just what happens in the first couple of weeks of anyone’s weight loss journey eventually it will settle around (hopefully) 2 pounds a week and it’s mostly water weight. But, goddamnit, I am quite proud.

The moral of the story is keep chipping away and good things will happen!

Well, I am off to the gym now…

Stay happy and healthy,

Your Friendly Neighborhood Fat Chick

Well, yikes… (a reintroduction)

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” -Marilyn Monroe

Well, I failed, ROYALLY, both at blogging and weight loss. But, I am not here to dwell, I am here to say we are pressing the restart button and moving onwards and upwards. I scrapped all of my past posts (a whopping total of five), changed my layout and my game plan.

The game plan in question is that instead of going balls to the wall, I am taking a more lax approach to this whole ordeal. I am not jumping in feet first, I am going to take it a bit slower and a bit kinder. I used am taking in present tense because I have already started the current journey I’m on, last week. I would like to say that I didn’t blog during that time because I wanted to make sure I was committed before taking the plunge back into blogging but, the reality is that I am just really lazy and never got around to it.

So, now we have some housekeeping issues to attend to.

(PSA: for my own ease I am going to format this question and answer style, it’s more of a self-interview, nobody actually asked me these questions but, if you do have questions feel free to utilize the comment section! )

Why now?

Well, I am currently taking part in THREE weight loss challenges (yeah, what happened to that lax approach??). I am participating in an r/loseit challenge, this is my second Reddit weight loss challenge I am involved in and I am so jazzed about it. Getting support from loads of strangers on the internet who have the same end goal as you is pretty cool. This challenge is only 2 months long but, it is described as an “eight-week grind fest.”  I am also doing a weight loss challenge with my Grandma and my Aunt which is six months long and intertwines with my own weight loss challenge with myself entitled: OPERATION H.E.N: HEalthy by Nineteen. My goal with that is to be at a healthy BMI by my nineteenth birthday which is in roughly 22 weeks so, we have some grinding to do.

What are the numbers looking like?

So, I started out at a fresh and hearty 213 pounds, and when I weighed in on Friday I was 206.8 pounds. I am weighing in every Monday for Operation H.E.N. and the challenge I am doing with my family and every Friday for Reddit. It will officially be a week tomorrow (Monday) since I started and based on Friday’s results I am quite hopeful for what the scale will look like. My goals are to hit 194 pounds by the end of the 8 week Reddit challenge, 169 pounds (which is the very tip of a healthy BMI for my height) by the end of the 22 weeks of H.E.N./my birthday and 165 pounds by the end of the family challenge. My overarching goal is to hit 140 pounds (my goal weight) by January 1st and then start taking Muay Thai classes, which has been something I have wanted to do FOR A LONG TIME.

How is this time different?

Who knows? I feel the least motivated of any previous attempt but, the most disciplined. I am immersing myself in different challenges and feel compelled to see them through. I also created an incentive chart on a dollar store poster board and went to the local teacher supply store and bought 810 boho bird chart stickers. I get a sticker for every day I eat under my calorie goal and a sticker for every day I workout, once I reach 11 stickers, I treat myself to a quad venti no whip white mocha from Starbucks. (I sound like a royal prick when I order it but, goddamn if that is not the best drink I have ever had!) I’ve also done a lot of research on CICO and realized that it will be the most sustainable plan for me in the long run and just makes sense. Instead of doing some crazy plan, trying to do an 180 on my current lifestyle and kind of praying it sticks I am doing an 80 or even maybe a 40 and just slightly tweaking and modifying my current lifestyle. PLUS, today, I had pancakes AND Taco Bell and still got to put a sticker on my chart.

What’s your plan with blogging?

I want to blog as much as possible, I am about 3/4 of the way done with my gap year and have done little to no writing while still planning on majoring in a liberal arts field. So, it’s probably for the best that I work my creative genius, and dust off and exercise my writing muscles. As aforementioned, I am taking a kinder approach to this whole thing and I want to document all of it but, if I go a week without blogging I won’t punish myself. Right now, my goal is to post every Monday and Friday when I weigh in and give updates. So, we’ll see!

Pics? (;

I am not planning on posting any progress pictures until I’m halfway to my goal (180 pounds) or at my goal purely because if this doesn’t work out, I don’t want half naked, tubby, unflattering pictures of my body floating around the internet without an after pasted next to it.

Anything else?

I think that’s about it for tonight, I am going to snuggle in and catch up on some YouTube before we start this whole thing over again tomorrow!

Stay happy and healthy,

Your Friendly Neighborhood Fat Chick