As the title states, today has been an absolute EMOTIONAL rollercoaster. Today was my first day off in a while and my Reddit weigh in. This entire week I have been ON TOP OF IT, I ate under my calorie goal went to the gym 3 times and was ready to see some goddamn RESULTS! I woke up cautiously excited, I took off my clothes, stepped on the scale, looked down and 207 even. “What the fuck is this bullshit?!” ran through my mind along with a whole slew of other profanities. “I WORKED MY ASS OFF AND MY ASS SHOULD BE OFF!” Okay, drama queen, calm the fuck down, I assured myself and while I was bummed, what can you do about it? I made my cereal, sat down to catch up on some of my recordings and scroll through the news. Jesus fuck, the news put me in a worse mood. At this point, I decided I was going to redeem my weekly Starbucks.
I hopped in my car, retrieved my passion fruit lemonade and went to my thinking spot. My inner monologue went a bit like- “It’s fine! It’s fine! You know what, your weight doesn’t determine what kind of person you are, you are a fucking boss and being a bit rounder doesn’t change that! Even if it takes the rest of your life to get to 140, at least you are trying which is better than where you were 3 weeks ago! Just keep living and loving.”
You’d think I had it figured out and well, you’d be wrong! I texted my mom about my dilemma and she replied: “Just weigh yourself after the gym, after you’d sweated everything off, weight fluctuates!” Then my inner monolog went a bit like “Stupid, idiot mom doesn’t know anything I already ate and drank a venti which just means I’ll weigh more!” I then talked myself into a tizzy and decided to go to the store because “THE WORLD IS SHIT, THIS WEIGHT LOSS IS THING IS BULL SHIT, SO I AM GOING TO MAKE SOME MOTHERFUCKING RED VELVET CUPCAKES WITH CREAM CHEESE!”
I got the needed materials, went home and angrily made some cupcakes. I decided half way through that I was not going to go to the gym today, I was just going to binge on some cream cheese goodness. Well, that wasn’t an option to my mom, she made me go to the gym and I am quite thankful I did because I got out a lot of my angst. On the way home, we had a very emotional talk about body image and to no one’s surprise I bawled my eyes out. When I got home, I decided that I should weigh myself again. I very hesitantly pulled down the scale, stepped on and “202.8”! My mom was RIGHT! (Which, wasn’t that big of a shocker…) Jesus! 202.8 means I am no longer obese, I am just overweight, which is SUPER FUCKING EXCITING for not only that reason but, for almost the entirety of my Sophomore year of High School I was 202, and I am only 2.8 pounds away from onederland. I took a shower, sheepishly apologized to my mom (which she responded with some amazing Mom wisdom), ate dinner with my family and did not binge on cupcakes.
THINGS I LEARNED FROM TODAY:
- CALM THE FUCK DOWN! Not everything is the end of the world, you will not make it very far if you have a minor set back and your first response is to completely overreact. Take a deep breath, use some logic to sort out your ball of emotions and get outside opinions.
- Your Mom is right, she knows a whole lot more than you do as she has a lot more life experience and is probably the wisest person you know. LISTEN TO HER, she wants to see you succeed and not self-destruct.
- Your weight doesn’t define your character. (I’m still working on learning AND accepting this one… I have quite a bit of weight-related issues to work out mentally…)
- You probably shouldn’t blog after having an emotional day, you just end up over cursing and purely having a stream of consciousness post.
Stay happy and healthy,
Your Friendly Neighboorhood Fat Chick